Yeah, that's right! Call me crazy, and maybe I am, but never assume I am a cuddly little love bug put on this earth to do your bidding. I had to assert myself yesterday and clarify my position as king of the castle and unpredictable eunuch.
I spent a pleasant night sleeping in the master chamber, getting up a few times to grab a few sips of water in the kitchen and terrorize the dog, who just lies there while I vault over her at least 25 times per hour. At 3:00 a.m. I decided to go downstairs for an early breakfast and what did I find? Nothing in my bowl! Not a crumb, nothing! Filled with fury, I headed upstairs, where my human mom was sleeping.
I made a few noises to wake her up. Nothing. Jumped upon the bed. Nothing again. "This is serious," I thought, so I started to strategize. What would wake her up and get her moving as quickly as possible? A plan came to my mind right away.
I snatched a piece of paper from the nightstand, sprang off the bed, diving underneath it, and decided to lie in wait. Next, I made crinkling sounds with the paper. Sure enough, my mom's body started to move. As soon as her hand moved out from under the covers, I rose up, biting her on the hand, determined to pull her up and out. She screamed, music to my ears! I decided to hold on, just to make sure she got the message, and guess what happened? She slapped me!
I hung on and she slapped me again. What nerve!
I was in shock and deeply insulted. All that fuss over one perfect fang being plunged into her hand? It only left a small mark, for meowing out loud! I could have done more, but I pretended to be scared (not that I was) and ran away. Sometimes I think I actually do get scared due to my castration issues.
Later, I returned to the scene of the crime,bounded onto the bed, stealthily approached my mom, got right up to her face and licked her cheek and her eyelid, just because I could, to let her know I was still there, waiting to be served. She dashed out of bed, ran into the bathroom, and washed her face. What? Like I have some disease or something?
I hope she realized that I could have done so much more had I wished... Like I said, you may call me crazy, but I'm loose in the house while you're sleeping... thoughts to ponder...
Happy Valentine's Day to all!
