I was violated !

Anyone who knows me will attest to the fact that  in addition to my  unheard of intelligence and loving nature, I am an amazingly pristine cat. I clean myself all day long, and my white fur is so white that you'd need to wear sunglasses if you stared at me for too long.  I smell as beautiful and sweet as a rose, and believe me when I tell you that the lady cats who come up to the breezeway and deck  doors to gaze at me while I'm sunning myself, well... shall I say they have no complaints whatsoever.

And yet... and yet... something happened recently that has assalted my ego, wounding me to the quick, whatever that means.  I had a moment when I didn't feel like the most perfect, handsome, wonderful, amazing cat on the planet, and that stung me for a nanosecond.

Here's what happened:
I was lounging on my human parents' bed the other night, enjoying the coolness of the room and the hum of the air conditioner, when my human mom came into the room to get ready to join me for bed. I like to be the first male creature in the room at night, by the way. I got up to nuzzle her hand to reward her for joining me, when all of a sudden she let out a shriek that blasted my delicate ears, frightening me so much that my heart started pounding like a jackhammer.  Before I could run away, she grabbed me, scooped me up, and headed for the bathroom where I was --- I must state it clearly although it is shameful--- violated. Yes, violated!  She wiped my "special private behind place" with a WIPE, released me, and then  took a soapy cloth into the bedroom. 

 I had no idea what kind of perverse stuff was going to follow, so I ran to the closet and peeked from behind the door to see what she was up to.

Muttering to herself and saying quite unflattering things about me, she wiped at an area of the white comforter, then called my human dad to come and see what  "the damned cat" had done.  I had no idea what her problem was, but soon found out that she had spotted a teenie tiny area where my bum had allegedly left a mark.

From that day, I have been assaulted with a wipe everytime I go into that bedroom. You might think I would avoid their bed after that cat-astrophe, but the thing is, the bed is very comfy and I look especially handsome while lying on that white comforter, which sets off my orangy gingery fur, making me look like an angel on a cloud. So, although I was violated, I have to forgive if I want to continue living the high life. Besides, on the package of Cattonelle wipes, I saw a picture of a puppy, so it's obviously a new invention meant for both cats as well as dogs, and in that case, I'll allow it.